


The Little Things

by grapenight



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 21:29:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1279558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grapenight/pseuds/grapenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan shouldn't have been surprised, he should have noticed sooner.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Little Things

**Author's Note:**

> Seriously, not lying about the warning. Be cautious as you read, this piece may contain some touchy material.

When he got the call, Ryan was truly shocked. He didn't know which element surprised him more, the fact that he was only told about it hours after it had happened, or that Kevin had told him. Truthfully, no one liked Kevin. He was a loud, obnoxious know it all, and worst of all he wasn't even aware of it. But somehow, word had gotten to Kevin before it had Ryan. 

When Ryan was a kid, he had few friends, there was Spencer, like the loyal guard dog, always there, always keeping him safe. He was necessary, since Ryan had always been a weird kid, he was prone to get picked on. Spencer always been there for him. He wasn't really big enough to scare off the other kids, while being bigger than Ryan, he was still pretty little, and a year younger than Ryan, but he was fierce enough in his determination to get them to keep their distance. Spencer was the best thing Ryan had. 

Except possibly Brendon. He hadn't been around as long as Spencer had, but as soon as he came around and got accepted into their friend group, it kind of felt like he had been there forever. Once Brendon was completely comfortable with them, he held nothing back. He was extremely at ease with his emotions, and he would make it known how he felt. 

That's how Ryan and Brendon started dating. Years after they met, the two of them were watching a movie, alone since Spencer was at his grandma's for the night, and Brendon got bored and decided to do what he desired. He didn't hesitate as he leaned over to kiss Ryan, shocking him. After a few seconds the awkward kiss ended, with Ryan still shocked into place. 

"So did were you not feeling it?" Brendon asked, with a somewhat sad tone in his voice. 

Ryan turned to him and shook his head. "No, no I think it was good, yeah, I think, yeah. I just... wasn't prepared. Do it again." 

Brendon was happy to fulfill his command, and by the next day they were dating. 

That didn't come without its challenges, high school was tough enough as it was, but with the added hatred from all the homophobic people of the school didn't help. Brendon always remained optimistic, keeping Ryan sane and encouraged. 

"It doesn't matter what they say, they're not us, you know? Five years from now you won't remember their names. You'll remember us, though, the good times we had, and the good times we'll be having then. And you have Spencer, he's pretty good about scaring them away. He's a good pet, you should keep him around," Brendon said. 

"Watch it, pipsqueak," Spencer said without even having to look up from his book. 

So with Brendon and Spencer's help, Ryan made it through the first three years of high school with very few problems. As his senior year rolled around, Ryan became very focused on his college search. His family didn't have enough money to support him much in college, so he had to spend a lot of his time studying to keep his grades up so he would be able to get good scholarships. 

Ryan had always been under the impression that he was very intelligent. School was easy and he seemed to fly through it with passing colors. As he got older he had to spend more and more time studying to maintain his standards. Brendon always supported him in this, and he never complained when Ryan had to cancel a date because he had a test the next day. 

It was things like that that made Ryan realize how much he loved Brendon. He was perfect. 

For as smart of a kid as Ryan thought he was, he never realized what he had an excess of in school knowledge, he lacked in social knowledge. He was terrible at reading people, and understanding when something was wrong. He only finally connected the dots when it was too late. 

He connected them as he was on the phone with Kevin. Kevin had never been friends with Spencer, Brendon, or Ryan, but he was an ally. Because he was so widely disliked, he fell in the same social status as they did. When he didn't have someone to sit with, they usually invited him over to their table. They didn't know much about Kevin other than what they had heard and the small amount they had told them. They didn't really care. 

As he said the life halting words, though, Ryan began to wonder about Kevin. He thought about everything. He didn't properly hang up his phone, he let it fall to the ground as the same time his heart fell and broke. 

"Ryan, it's Brendon, they found him in his room. They tried to wake him up, they did everything they could, but it was no use. He's gone. I'm so sorry." 

Ryan couldn't wrap his head around the words. Brendon would never do that. He was the happiest person Ryan knew. But the longer Ryan thought about it, the more little events he remembered that started to add up. Brendon wasn't always happy, he just did his best to seem happy for Ryan. Brendon's childhood friends had recently abandoned him, but Ryan had just assumed it didn't really matter, because they hadn't been close to Brendon for awhile. Apparently it did. Apparently, Brendon wasn't as okay with Ryan choosing studying and school over him sometimes. Apparently, Brendon didn't like how Ryan was so desperate to escape his town, so desperate to leave him behind. Apparently, Ryan didn't see anything that was right in front of him. 

The last time Ryan saw Brendon was similar to the first. When they had met, Brendon joined Ryan on the playground on a day he was all alone because Spencer was sick. He saved him. Years and years later, Ryan stood alone, dreading life, before Brendon's friends, family, and loved ones surrounded him, sharing their pain, saving Ryan from being alone. Brendon had always been their to save Ryan, even after he was gone. 

_I'm sorry. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to let you down. I just needed out, it was too much for me to handle, life, school, the future. I was scared. I love you. I will always be with you, I will make sure you make it out, and that you get to follow all your dreams. I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you in person._

Half of Brendon's suicide note was directed toward Ryan. It wasn't blaming Ryan, it was apologizing, saying how much he loved him, promising this had nothing to do with him. Even though it said that, Ryan now knew the truth. If only he had known before. 

After the funeral, Ryan walked up to Kevin. "Do you want to hang out sometime? Spencer and I have an awesome collection of games." 

Ryan was devastated, he would never recover, but he knew what he had to do. He missed the important signs the first time, but he was damn sure he wasn't going to miss them this time. He missed the destruction of his love, but he hoped he could save others. He was going to make sure he saved others. 

Kevin smiled, for possibly the first time Ryan had seen, and nodded. "That'd be great."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope someone likes this. I just needed to write something and this is what happened. Sorry about the sadness. Next one is definitely going to be about rainbows and puppies, I promise. I don't even know how sad this is, it might not be sad at all. All I know is that I cried while writing it.


End file.
